Do values count?

I recently watched the movie “A Solitary Man.” In it the lead character, Ben, finds out he has a medical condition, which needs to be treated. Instead of seeking treatment and talking with his family he chooses to become very hedonistic in how he lives his life. Over the next few years he leaves behind a trial of women he seduced, criminal dealings in his business and even a disappointed grandson.

His life became an example of “you reap what you sow.” His business dealings cost him fines and nearly got him thrown in jail. His womanizing cost him another business deal. His daughter told him to stop calling. She would not even let him talk with his grandson any more. His life got about as bad as it could get.

Yet, when things really got bad his daughter and ex-wife showed him unconditional love and reached out to him, offering him help.

What values control your life? Which way do you live your life? Do you think only of yourself and your desires or do you think of others and reach out to them when they need it most?

Is marriage work?

Recently my wife asked me if our marriage is work? My answer is sometimes it is, however most of time it is fun. In the seventeen years we have been together I admit sometimes there has been work involved in the sense of taking the time to stop and think about my actions or the words I needed to say. For example I know if I take the time to clean up the kitchen and load the dishwasher before I leave in the morning it makes her happy. Work for me but a happy wife is definitely more fun to be around.

Much of human behavior is learned and in the early stages of learning new behavior it is work but in time we develop habits we no longer need to think about.  Why not make an effort in your marriage to learn how to show your partner the kind of love they need? Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, can be a good guide to helping you figure out what you each need.  Learn how to have discussions about issues and solving problems. The more we work developing good habit the more rewarding you marriage will become.

In the end the harder you work the more fun your marriage will become.

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